No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
