69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
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