dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
