Sry I called you an 8
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
