just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
