ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
