We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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