just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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