yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
