somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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