I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
