2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
