when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
