I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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