If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
