i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
