I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
