somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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