just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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