Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
