In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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