i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
