i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
