why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
This is the prime rib incident all over again
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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