I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
