epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
