Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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