so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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