Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
You're like the curious george of whores
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
