Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
