let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
time to smoke my breakfast
he was CRYING into my vagina
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
