I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm at about main and main street
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
