I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
