i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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