thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize