She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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