Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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