I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
