im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
