just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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