Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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