I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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