today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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