I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
