a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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