Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
