Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
