considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
