If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
