i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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