Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
