last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
