I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
MIDGETS
????
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
