And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
