Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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