Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize