those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
