Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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