At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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