Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
