the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude i'm inner monologue high
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
