You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
