I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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