Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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