i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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