every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
